As of yesterday I have been offered a junior systems engineering position with Lockheed Martin’s Rotary Mission Systems Division.
Ho’ boy does that feel good. Finally I know what I’m going to be doing next year! Granted I still have to figure out where I’m going to live and how I’m going to get around, but one way or another I know I’m not going to be depressed basement dweller! I’m gonna be makin’ stacks, and engineering mission systems! Or am I?
Right so, let’s mash B on all the celebration and get real for a bit. Yes, I am excited about the offer, and yes it’s real freaking nice for someone to essentially affirm your self-worth, but I have some reservations. It’s a very nice offer, with one major complication: I have a week to decide.
My instincts tell me I should wait until I get answers from all of my applications then make a choice among them, but I can’t do that if I only have a week. I may not end up hearing from some of my other applications until December. And so now were back in the exact same quandary from last semester.
Last semester I applied to internships. Pretty early on I got an offer, but it was so early that the same thing happened. I was forced between choosing the guaranteed option or waiting to maybe getting to do something that was higher on my list. Last semester I chose the latter, I turned down the offer and guess what happened….nothing. And then I spent the next three months moping around Vermont.
So here we are again. In the exact….same….thing….
But of course it gets continually more complicated. Earlier this week I also got invited to another college hiring event. From what I can tell it’s exactly the same thing as the event I went to when I got this offer. The impression that I got from going to the last event was that it was less about seeing if you were a good candidate, and more about convincing you to work there. So that says to me I’ll probably end up getting an offer from there as well, and that one is a space flight operations job which sounds bad fucking ass!
And here’s where we go down a never ending spiral of self-doubt. My instincts tell me to turn down this offer and wait for another better one, but I’m basing that off of a bunch of assumptions, and what if all of my assumptions are wrong and I’m just being an arrogant prick for thinking that I’m a shoe-in for those other positions? Plus, the last time I waited I ended up with nothing. Can you tell I’m not a betting man?
It’s times like this that I’m forced to ask WWKRD? What would Kenny Rogers do?
UUUUUUUUUUUGH! And now I also feel like a prick for complaining about this shit. It wasn’t long ago I was sitting at my desk stress eating over the fact that I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life and how I was going to be poor a living in my parents’ basement and people from high school were going to make fun of me and I was going to be horribly depressed. I know because that was yesterday. And I know how fucking much it bugged me when people would talk about all these great jobs they were getting. “OMG I HAVE SO MANY OFFERS FROM BOEING I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE TO TAKE LMAO!” “YEAH I’LL DO THAT PART OF THE GROUP PROJECT, IT’LL REALLY HELP ME FOR MY BOEING JOB WHICH I HAVE AND YOU DON’T BECAUSE YOUR A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! TEEHEE!” Fuck…You. God damn, I hate being that person, and yet here I am. Bitching about having TOO MANY options. You see how this is a lose-lose for me yes? Great now I’m begging you to feel bad for me. GAH! Everything I do makes me feel bad. Hey who wants some dank memes?
Whew, ok. I think that dank meme has sufficiently centered me, let us continue. I think the important thing to remember is that whatever job I chose is not, or I should say, probably won’t be the rest of my life. It’s easy to forget that this shit isn’t permanent. I can always leave, I can always move around. Hell I could probably transfer the day after I get there if I really wanted. I think the important thing is to find something I can be satisfied doing for, at the very least, the time being. Something that will facilitate the other things I enjoy (like $2000 gaming computers) and something that can help me get to where I ultimately want to go. So am I going to take the job? I’ll let you know in a week.