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Oh man. Uuuuugh. Yeah, so it’s senior year now…which means time to find a job. Ugh. If you can’t tell, I am by no means looking forward to this. Uuuuuuuuuugh. You know what I’m just going to go hid in my bed, then I won’t have to think about this.

Come get me in like...30 years when all robots do everything for us
Come get me in like…30 years when all robots do everything for us

The part that bugs me isn’t the talking to people (I’ve mostly gotten over that…mostly), or the bragging about my “achievements” (I wouldn’t qualify anything I’ve done an “achievement”) it’s the uncertainty. For the first time in my life I legitimately don’t know what I’ll be doing next YEAR. I’ve never been this uncertain about my life…well ever. Even during senior year of high school, sure I didn’t know exactly where I would be, but I knew I was going to go to college, and I knew what I would be studying. Now I think I’ll get a job, I mean, I’m going to try. I certainly think I’m qualified enough, and I consider my self to be a damn good engineer, but will Boeing? Or Lockheed? Or NASA? What if they all just say no? what then? Am I going to go home and get a job at Hannaford’s? “So Neel’s CEO of some new startup, Kirsten’s on Broadway, Michael’s cured cancer, oh and Matt! yeah he’s living at home and working at Hanford’s.”

Fuuuuuuuck me
Fuuuuuuuck me

I can’t do it, I can’t be that guy. So you can see I’m a little stressed out over here. I can’t tell if it’s legit or I’ve just turned into a little bitch either because I do not normally get THIS stressed. Fuck man, just too much angst, way to much angst. Uuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Oh god, I am a little bitch aren't I?
Oh god, I am a little bitch aren’t I?

Ok…ok…breathe…just got to breathe….whew…ok, I think…everything is going to be ok. I have to remember that I’m highly qualified. People generally seem to like me. Getting a job can’t be that tough, it’s not that tough right? I can do this. I…can…do this…

Fuck! I looked down again!
Fuck! I looked down again!

Ok, let’s move on from the “whether or not I’m going to get a job or if I’m going to spend the rest of my life living out the depressing plot of ‘Jeff Who Lives at Home'” (good movie by the way) because all joking aside thinking about all this stuff is going to give me a stroke. Plus there is a bit of good news. While I don’t yet know what I’m going to do next year (fuck that’s soon), I know what I want to do next year. Which is good because that’s the first step right? I know I’ve joked in the past about having some “master plan” about how I’m going to rule the world and what not, but this time I’m serious, and luckily for you plebs it does not involve taking over the world.

Just don't get on my nerve, I might change my mind...
Just don’t get on my nerve, I might change my mind…

First thing’s first I’m getting out of here. I’ve been in school for 16+ years of my life, I need to do something else. I got nothing against college or even school in general, it’s just that when you’ve spent 75-80% of your life doing something, occasionally you need a change of pace. Honestly, that’s the main reason why I want to get a job, it’s something different. Well that and I want to make a few stacks before the whole “college debt” thing really sets in. As for where I’m pretty much open to whoever will hire me (as you could probably guess from the previous 4 paragraphs), but I’d like to get a job at one of the big defense contractors Lockheed, Boeing, Northrop Grumman. I mean it’d be nice if NASA hired me right out of the gate, but I don’t have high hopes for that, plus private industry pays better. After a few years [redacted]  working in the industry I figure I’ll go to grad school and get my Master’s. It looks good, I enjoy some of the higher level aerospace stuff, and it’s something I want to do anyways it’s just that I need a break for a while. After that it’s dream time. Gotta get me a job at NASA and change the world. Then at some point when I’m in my 30’s I’ll apply to be an astronaut and go to space.

And THEN we'll see who's the most famous person from my High School!
And THEN we’ll see who’s the most famous person from my High School!

So that’s my plan…well so far. My plans have a tendency of falling apart, and I think I’ve figured out why. They’re too linear. Each step requires the completion of the previous one. Take for example what happened this summer. I was going to build all this cool shit, and make all these cool movies and junk, but all that required that I had a job and…money, and free time, so when the job fell through so did everything else. But now…now I think I can make it work. Nobody wants to hire me? Fine, I’ll get an internship, I know I’m good enough to get one at [redacted]. Don’t get an internship? Fine we can just roll on through to grad school. Oh what’s this? NASA gave me an offer for an entry level position? Hell yes, we just skipped to step 3 (of course I’ll probably go back and get my Master’s anyways). Guys, I think we- err, well I can do this!

Guys...I...I think everything is going to be ok!
Guys…I…I think everything is going to be ok!

But for the sake of argument let’s talk worst case. And I mean worst case. Nobody hires me, parents kick me out, Donald Trump’s elected, world goes to shit, cats and dogs living together, what then. It’s simple: I liquidate all my possessions move to Switzerland and live in the wilderness. I’ll hunt my own food, built my own house, and just live off the land. Honestly, I think I could do it, I could totally become a Mountain Man. I was a Boy Scout you know…briefly. If we’re being honest though it’ll probably be more like the Adirondacks or something, I don’t think the Swiss take too kindly to illegal aliens just randomly setting up shop in their country. You think I’m kidding, but I’m really not. Oh and I just want to clarify, I know I joked about Donald Trump getting elected and all but this is not a political thing, I’m not tryna pull the whole “move to Canada” schtick, this is more of a “I got nothing to do with my life” kind of thing. Personal fulfillment, let’s go with that.

More Into the Wild than Art of the Deal, you know what I mean?
More Into the Wild than Art of the Deal, you know what I mean?

So yeah…thaaaaat’s my life right now. Desperately trying to get out from under the immense weight of trying to plan the rest of my life. I can’t wait for 6 months from now when I’ve completely abandoned all of this.