Wakin’ Up

Huh? Wha- Where am I? What time is it? Scratch that, what month is it? God damn what the hell happened. I remember coming home from Atlanta I was all pumped and then I remember getting up the next day to play some well earned video games, aaaaaand now it’s August and I have to go back this weekend. What. The. Hell.

And why is this on my desktop???
And why is this on my desktop???

For real though what happened because I can’t remember. Wasn’t I going to get a job? What ever happened to that? My floor isn’t covered in 100 dollar bills so I guess my rap career never took off. I do have a lot of DnD shit around. Oh! Am I a world renown dungeon master now?!

No. That's not a thing
No. That’s not a thing

Hmm, ok so I didn’t get a job…that’s unfortunate, but no use crying over that now. How about all that cool shit I was going to build, surely I’ve got all sorts of cool gadgets and gizmos just lining every corner of my room right!? No.

sigh
turns out that shit costs money

Wait, if it’s august that must mean I’m 21! Hey, that’s awesome, surely there were lots of great parties and festivities to be had. Endless nights of binge drinking and no regrets right? Oh, no again. I guess turning 21 isn’t all that great of a milestone anyways.

This is starting to sound like one boring summer.
This is starting to sound like one boring summer.

Hmmm. So what did I do? I don’t feel sad so I must have done something. Oh look at that! I took the GRE’s ! That’s…exciting. Ok, surely there has to be something else. It looks like I wrote quite a few blog posts…well 6. Did I make any new shorts? No. Oh I know what I did! I spent the summer focused on photography! Of course! I’ll just go check my cam- oh…there’s not much here.

Well shit, I got excited there for a moment.
Well shit, I got excited there for a moment.

Ok joking aside, I for real don’t know what I actually accomplished this summer. Maybe that was the problem. Going into the summer expecting to accomplish some sort of life goal may have been a mistake. I guess I’m not as independently motivated as I thought I was. Really? Man, that’s a bummer.

I am equally confused as you, don't worry
I am equally confused as you, don’t worry

I do feel like there were some barriers in the way of personal development. For one I didn’t get a job, which, I suppose I could have worked harder, but if someone doesn’t want to hire me they’re not going to hire me. I also didn’t build all the cool shit that I kept thinking about all semester. But again, I didn’t feel comfortable spending $200 of my parents money on steel plates and copper wiring for a bunch of random bullshit.

Although, maybe that was for the best.
Although, maybe that was for the best.

All things considered the summer was very relaxing. I got play all the video games and watch all the youtube my little heart could handle, which after two straight years of classes was a welcome relief. I guess I’m just bummed that I wasn’t more productive.

But.......why?
But…….why?

Ok so that’s where were at, the only responsible thing to do now is to figure out what we learned. Well for one online applications don’t mean shit. Some mom and pop store isn’t going to be checking their poorly-made website for new applicants. It may be 2016, but actually talking to people is still more reliable I suppose. Which brings me to my next point. I got to get less anxious about talking to people. Near as I can tell I’m pretty good at talking to people, they don’t seem to go running and screaming when I open my mouth. It’s just starting the conversation that freaks me the fuck out.

"Dude, fucking get over it."
“Dude, fucking get over it.”

What’s next? At the beginning of the summer when I was building up in my head that I was going to make all this cool shit I kept saying to myself, “all the good ideas in the world aren’t worth shit, unless you do something about it.” Which I still think is a pretty good piece of advice. Naturally the implication there was I would put my ideas to use instead of being a whiney ass baby whose always talking about all their dope movie ideas. But of course here I am, just as whiney and useless as everybody else. Damn, they were cool ideas too. I was gonna build a low-tech inexpensive solar panel that would have saved the world, man.

Get over yourself dude.
Get over yourself dude.

I think the ultimate problem here was that these “ideas” all required resources that I didn’t have (such as the aforementioned steel plates and copper wiring). And so all this cool stuff I was going to do presupposed that I had a source of income. And so like a house of cards, when getting a job fell through, everything else did.

A little on the nose don't you think?
Good show!

In then end I had an enjoyable summer. I learned some valuable life lessons, I got some well-needed rest, and I played a shit-ton of Civ V. Frankly there are plenty of worse ways to spend 3+ months of your life, and given that I’m presumably going to get a real job in the coming year (like of the career variety) I probably won’t have a whole lot more 3 month stretches to just do whatever I want. Maybe it wasn’t such a waste after all.

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