Gotta Get Dat Loot- Dorngeons and Dorgans Part 4

Alright so its been like a month and a half since our last episode of Dorngeons and Dorgans. Admittedly…that’s my bad I totes forgot. Ok, so let’s recap, the crew went on a quest to bring supplies to some guy in some town, they got ambushed along the way, and they kicked a guy out for chronic masturbation. They delivered the supplies, then split up to find some more quests, they indeed found a bunch, Elephant decked a dude, and they decided to go after the gang that was terrorizing the town. After some more shenanigans they showed up at the gang’s watering hole  and beat the crap out of some fools. Now they are making their way through a secret tunnel to the gang’s secret lair to figure out what’s what. We all caught up? Good because I didn’t remember either, but unlike you I have a cheat sheet.

It's very long
It’s very long

Alright let’s get to it then shall we.

It was very dark in the secret tunnel, and just a tad moist. Not unbearably moist mind you, but definitely uncomfortably so. The four of them stumbled along the dark corridor in single file. They didn’t dare light any torches for fear of alerting the Rebrands to their presence, besides some inattentive diety allowed Atlas to have night vision so they were all good.

The tunnel let out into a large underground room. They appeared to be in the basement of some large structure. Carlos being the most insightful of the group posited that they must be beneath the ruins of Tresendar Manor. Being ancient, and ruinous, and fantastical and all, the room had a giant crevasse running through the center of it. It was dark in there so it was hard to judge distances, but Atlas estimated crevasse appeared to be at least 10 ft across at the widest and perhaps 30 ft deep. He registered his opinion by saying, “I could totally jump that.” Luckily for the less athletically gifted of the group he didn’t have to, two well-worn wooden bridges spanned the crevasse.

“Oh, look! There’s two bridges” noted Elephant, feeling quite proud of his observation.

You bet he had that stupid grin on his face
You bet he had that stupid grin on his face

Elephant and Cinnamon began walking towards the bridges before being stopped by Carlos. “Stop, something doesn’t feel right. let’s look around a little first.”

And so the crew stopped and began looking around. Though it sounds interesting, it was a lot of elephant staring intently at rocks while Carlos looked at the bridges and yelled, “HMMM, INTERESTING!” Eventually Atlas noticed that one of the bridges was faulty. Carlos gave a nice rough pat on the back and said, “Ha! Knew it.”

Nothing much was happening at this point, so Elephant decided to shed a little light on the situation. He picked up a particularly ugly look rock and cast a light spell on it (see what I did there?). He tossed the rock into the crevasse. Peering down they didn’t see much, but all of a sudden they spotted a shadowy figure dart across.

An especially creepy whisper filled the room, “who goes there?” Except it wasn’t actually in the room, IT WAS IN THEIR HEADS. “Who dares disturb my slumber.” each time that…thing spoke its words bounced around the groups heads like some kind of wet slop. Needless to say it was an unpleasant experience.

Stepping forward Carlos called out, “We mean no harm, we just wish to pass through.”

“You got food?” it called back.

“Yeah!” chimed in Elephant, “you want an apple?”

“What kind?”

“Ugh…grannysmith…I think?”

“Give me an apple and I’ll let you pass.” And out of the crevasse crawled one scary looking aberration type monster (also known as a Nothic). It was humanoid in nature, but with rock-like skin, giant claws, and one giant eyeball in place of a face, because of course it did.

Certainly not winning any beauty pageants
Certainly not winning any beauty pageants

Pulling one of his stolen apples out of his pack, Elephant quickly tossed it to the monster. At which point the Nothic basically told them its life story. For a monster, it was quite gabby. It went on and on about how the Redbrands had a deal where they would give him the corpses of their victims in exchange for not creeping the bejesus out of them. Then he kept going on about he didn’t like them very much, and the quality of the man flesh was getting worse and worse, and on and on. He was really quite a bore. But on the plus side he gave the group the layout of the entire place, including the location of the Redbrand leader’s quarters.

The group thanked the Nothic for his time then quickly scuttered across the non-broken bridge and down the hall to the spot the Nothic said. There were two doors at the end of the hallway. To the right was the leaders’ quarters, but after pausing for a moment, they noticed quite a ruckus coming from the door to the left. Being extra quiet they headed through the right door and closed it behind them. They found themselves in a wizard’s workshop. A large table was in the middle littered with old tomes presumably littered with magic text. A dirty mess of beakers, flasks and graduated cylinders lay across every horizontal surface in sight, many still with remnants of some old potion still nestled inside. A single large rat sat in the middle of the floor, upon seeing the adventurers walk in, it took off running. It scurried across the floor and under a door to another room.

The group paused for a moment, not sure what to think of the rat. “Was that rat important?” they asked, seemingly to some omniscient diety. Unfortunately whatever god or goddess they asked was unresponsive, and they set out searching the rest of the room. The books were all in some foreign language, Carlos guessed it to be Dwarfish, but Cinnamon and Elephant managed to snag some sweet magical ingredients. Sensing that the man they were looking for lay beyond the next door, the group prepared themselves for a fight.

“Cinnamon, you go left, Atlas you head right, Elephant you’re with me, we’re gonna charge him. Ready?” said Carlos, taking charge.

“Wait!” Said Cinnamon. Quickly he overturned the central table and pushed it up against the door to the hallway. “Just in case”

With a single mighty kick, Carlos busted down the door to the wizard’s quarters. They emerged just in time to see the evil wizard Glasstaff grabbing the last of his things, the giant black rat perched on his shoulder. The wizard unleashed a force blast, stunning the group, before sprinting through a secret door in the wall behind him.

Without hesitation Carlos and Elephant ran after him. Meanwhile, Atlas and Cinnamon on the other hand figured that those guys had it taken care of and started gathering up that sweet loot. Nevertheless, Carlos and Elephant chased the wizard through the secret door, down a short passage, back into the crevasse room, past the Nothic, still chewing on his apple, and into another room. They had just about caught Glasstaff, but a quick door to the face slowed them down. They stood up to see Glasstaff grabbing a small pouch out of a large cistern. The chase continued up a set of stairs. Pretty soon they had emerged in the above ground ruins of Tresendar Manor. The light burned their eyes a little, but that only encouraged the duo to push even harder.

They had almost caught up to Glasstaff. Finally in range, Carlos dove, tackling the wizard who hit the ground real hard knocking him unconscious. They bound the wizard’s arms and legs, and sat him up against a nearby rock. The two began rifling through the wizard’s stuff. In the bag they found some gold, a potion of healing, a potion of flying, and a note from someone called Black Spider.

“What’s it say?” asked Carlos.

Elephant took a moment to read the note. Then another….and another. An awkward amount of time later he exclaimed, “Hey, it’s about us!” showing it to Carlos.

Giving Elephant the stink face, Carlos grabbed the note. Reading it he said, “Who is this Black Spider? And how does he know we’re in Phandalin. I think we should pay this guy a visit.”

Just then Atlas and Cinnamon emerged from the underground, each clutching a pile of loot, “Yo, check out all this sweet dosh!” said Atlas.

Mission Accomplished.
Mission Accomplished.

“Hey, Elephant do you want this glass staff?” asked Cinnamon.

“Guys, wait, didn’t the Redbrands kidnap a bunch of people? We gotta go back and find them.” said Carlos.

The rest of the group let out a collective sigh. “Fiiiiine we’ll go back for them” said Elephant.

“Cool, you and Atlas go, I gotta stay here and count all this Dosh, err I mean watch the prisoner.” replied Carlos.

And so Elephant and Atlas headed back into the Redbrand Lair, found the prison block, killed the guards, and released the prisoners. It was altogether some pretty standard adventuring, and not particularly exciting, but the prisoners were pretty amped about it. One was so amped about it she told them of a place in Tundertree (a “nearby” town) where they could find some sweet loot. After the obligatory round of “thank you for saving my life” ended they returned to the surface, where Carlos and Cinnamon awaited them. All together the group led the freed prisoners, and more or less dragged the evil Glasstaff back into Phandalin proper. Once there, the former prisoners all ran off to their families and whatnot. Happy to be rid of those plebs, the group continued on to the town hall to turn in the villain of this particular part of the story.

There they ran into Sildar who, surprisingly enough, recognized Glasstaff. “Iarno, what is this?”

Hanging his head in shame the wizard formerly known as Glasstaff replied, “Is it not obvious, surely they great Sildar Hallwinter is not so dimwitted.”

And it goes on like this for like another two chapters. Anyways, after a long talk it is revealed that both Sildar and Iarno are part of a group called The Lord’s Alliance. Apparently, Iarno was sent to Phandalin to keep the peace and whatnot. But Irano was feeling a bit despotic that day and so he decided to create his own personal criminal organization instead. And the rest is, well what I just told you. A very disappointed Sildar turned to the group, thanked them for their service, and handed them a modest reward. At that point he put his hand on Carlos’ shoulder and said, “You most of all have displayed great courage and honor in defeating the bastard Glasstaff. I ask you to accept membership in the Lord’s Alliance.”

“Yeah, sure.” he replied.

“Then it is done! I hereby grant you the rank of Cloak. May you spread peace and justice throughout the land!”

Having completed their current quest line, the group returned to the inn in the center of town. With a few nasty words to the innkeeper on the side, they went up to their room and rested before beginning the next chapter of their tale.

And with that thrilling conclusion we end our episode. What creepy monsters will they encounter next time? Tune in next time to find out!

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