Top 10 Reasons Your Life is Dumb- and Other Thoughts I Had Today

Lab got canceled this week, so I have had a delightful respite from the usual hustle and bustle. That being said, I have done absolutely jack shit in terms of work on the blog, so don’t expect anything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pee and when I get back we can talk.

"Sooo, should I wait here or...?"
“Sooo, should I wait here or…?”

Alright I’m back. So I’ve been noticing something that’s been happening lately. I’ll be walking about, going to classes and such, as you do, and occasionally I’ll have a thought. I’m sure your familiar with the concept. And sometimes I will say to myself, “ah yes, what a quaint little thought, why I do hazard a-” sorry I’ll stop with the voice (of course you can’t hear the voice because this is all text, but you’ll just have to believe me that in my head I was reading that like a British aristocrat). Anyways sometimes when I think things I note that they might make for a good blog post. Then after sitting through another 4 hours of lectures about Laplace transforms or some garbage, I eventually come home, change my clothes, then go for my daily run, then come home, take a shower, maybe eat a banana (don’t want to get scurvy), mess around on the internet, watch some youtube, etc. then perhaps if I’m feeling up to it I will try to write down my thoughts in the words that you are reading right now.

"Thanks...for the look behind the curtains..."
“Thanks for that look behind the curtains…UNSUBSCRIBE”

Anyways point is, recently I’ve found that my ideas don’t really fit within a dedicated post. Like I could talk about Facebook for +1000 words or so, but honestly, who wants to read that, and better who wants to write that, because I sure as hell don’t.

Case and Point
Case and Point

Recently, one of my roommates bought a frier (not to be confused with a friar, although that too would have been cool). I’m not sure at what point the diabetes is supposed to set in, but damn, its got to be soon. Most people fry normal stuff like chicken or french fries, but we went straight for the weird stuff. We got fried twinkles, fried oreos, fried snickers, fried tongs (that last one was an accident). Never has food been so good and yet so bad. I’m probably going to have to stop running when my limbs start falling off. I’m also dreading the day when one of my roommates inevitably burn down the house by accident.

I'm not saying they're dumb, I'm saying they're forgetful.
I’m not saying they’re dumb, I’m saying they’re forgetful.

So you know how I was talking about Facebook earlier? Well here are my thoughts about Facebook: it’s dumb. In all honesty I would argue that most social media is dumb, and in large part, useless. Although I that may just be a symptom of my own suckedness at social media. Also just throwing this out there, I don’t really expect you to respond or even really have a reaction aside from the black stare I assume all of my readers share as they read my content, but I resent the word “social media”. Mostly because people keep saying it.

Other words I hate: “Netflix and Chill” (more of a phrase really), “Shillelagh” (too hard to say…and spell), and “solipsism” (got nothing against the philosophy).

"This is what my butthole looks like"
“This is what my butthole looks like”

Personally the only utility I see in Facebook, is finding news I read about 2 days ago, and hearing how much better your life is than mine (spoiler: IT ISN’T).  It used to be that Facebook was the place to go to talk to my friends, but everyone has since migrated to messaging apps that Facebook itself is kind of obsolete. Now that I think about it, Facebook really got grandfathered in to my pinned tabs.

In fact the more an more I think about it, the more and more I consider leaving it behind. It really doesn’t help me in any way, if anything it makes me, let’s say “agitated” when I look at other people clearly trying to look like they’re having a better time than me.

WE GET IT YOU'RE ON BROADWAY STOP SMILING
WE GET IT, YOU’RE ON BROADWAY STOP SMILING

In my, oh god, +9 years on Facebook I have noticed a few trends. I would now like to present the titular list of tip 10 reasons your life is dumb (segues are hard ok)

  1. Your face is dumb
  2. Your friends are dumb
  3. Your hair is dumb
  4. Your pictures are dumb
  5. Your horse back riding trip along the Cliffs of Moher will being stranded by the band Flock of Seagulls is dumb.
  6. Ur dumb
  7. ur dumb
  8. ur dumb
  9. ur dum
  10. ur du

Ugh, it’s all dumb. Its one of those things where I’ve come to realize, I don’t care about any of it, but me telling you about how much I don’t care, proves that I really do care. Like, no matter how much I tell myself  I don’t care, it bothers me on a level that I’m not comfortable admitting to myself.

Apparently there's an entire corner of the internet dedicated to weird stock photos
Apparently there’s an entire corner of the internet dedicated to weird stock photos

You know what, now that I think about it I probably could fill an entire post ranting about Facebook.

A lot of it just irks me. Like stop trying to prove how great you are, you will never compete with my sheer level of majesty, goddamn. There’s one thing recently that I’ve seen which reeeeally bugs me, but more on a personal level. So basically there’s this dude, I don’t really know him, we did some thing together back in High School, in yee old days of friend everyone you meet because friend count is really the only thing that matters. Anyways, him and his friends apparently made a film, like what I’m assuming is some sort of student film, which is about the worst thing he possibly could have done.

swing and a miss from the stock photos
swing and a miss from the stock photos

I should just go out there and say that I am EXTREMELY self conscious about the movies I make. Don’t get me wrong, I love them more than my own non-existent children. More than anything they make me laugh. Oh I also want to make something clear: DO NOT COME UP TO ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE MY MOVIES. I know its bullshit, and frankly I find it patronizing. I’m not good at receiving complements because I always assume what I do is garbage and people are just trying to make me feel better about it. FOR REAL, I DON’T WANT TO SUDDENLY GET A BUNCH OF MESSAGES FROM PEOPLE TELLING ME HOW MUCH THEY LIKE MY MOVIES.

Anyways back to this kid, he made this movie, and never having seen it, it looks like some indie student-film garbage. Which of course is awwwwful, because now I’m a horrible person. Why do I have to pass such harsh judgement on this guy. He made a dumb movie with him and his friends, of course its not the fucking Avengers. Now I look at his dumb movie and say, “ugh what trash” then immediately look at the garbage I’ve made and realize that it is at best confusing, and at worst vomit inducing.

My argument is, oh well it’s supposed to be bad, that’s part of what makes it funny. And so here we are. Me huddled in a corner trying to convince myself that no, this guy’s movie really does suck (even though, again, I haven’t seen it), and my stuff is great because he’s an asshole and he takes himself too seriously, while I am a chubby comedic genius, and totally not just another boring white guy.

I know! Existential crisis and all that jazz
I know! Existential crisis and all that jazz

My iPhone squeaks now and I don’t know how to feel about it.

Well that seems as good of a place to stop as any. I’m not done, I could probably rant on for a while now, and I probably will, but I’ll save that for another post and another day.

I need to stop
I need to stop
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