Man, sometimes I feel like the world is conspiring against me (not really though). I had all these great ideas for things I was going to write, topics I was going to investigate, it was going to be great. It was going to be funny and informative, people were going to start coming to my blog in droves, it was going to be a Renaissance of Gilmo’s World. Aaaaaand instead I got completely distracted and nothing happened.
I blame college. I know, it feels like a copout, but I honestly believe it. I got totally sucked in to the point where I could hardly think about anything else. It felt like as soon as I turned one lab report in I had another one due, to the point where I was just moving from assignment to assignment. And I’m saying that in the past tense like it’s over, but I’m about to come back from break and undoubtably fall into the same routine.
The funny thing is at the beginning of the semester I felt bad because I didn’t think I was doing nearly as much work as my friends. I don’t I had like this weird shame almost like everyone was doing a million things and here I am taking only 14 credits and writing dumb stuff on my blog, and photoshopping people onto different bodies.
It’s weird, I guess I just felt bad that I had what felt like a ton of free time while my friends were seemingly studying none-stop in the library. But then shit kicked into high gear, and I too was inundated with work to do, and all the other stuff fell to the wayside.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I was really busy this semester and didn’t have time to do all the silly stuff I’ve wanted to. That still feels like a copout, I feel like if I had really tried I could have gotten all that stuff done. I think it also has to do with fatigue. I’ve been on my A-game this semester, and I think it’s having a toll. When I get done from a 12-hour day of running around all I want to do is sit around and watch youtube. I want to be done, I don’t want to have to think anymore.
And maybe that’s the real problem. The blog feels like work. Not, always, but a lot of the time. And the blog doesn’t work if it’s work. And I think part of the reason why is all the arbitrary rules and structures I’ve put in place. Earlier in the year I decided I wanted to start putting out really polished content, nice, proofread, fancy-ass-picture-having content, while also publishing three-times a week. Of course, not realizing that the standard of content I was imagining in my head requires a lot of work. It’s usually somewhere around the second or third photoshop that I decide, nah, I’ll do this later, but because of how I write this stuff that ultimately means I’m just never going to finish that post.
Really the part that bugs me the most is that this is like the third or fourth time I’ve written a whole thing bitching about how I haven’t been able to blog enough. I think statistically 50% of my posts in 2016 have somehow related to my inability to push out content on a regular basis.
And so today I’m launching a new policy! Hold on, a minute. I know this sounds like a repeat of last time, but just wait. It’s called Matt Doesn’t Give a Fuck. The idea is simple. None of this matters, and trying to pretend like I’m this big time publisher with silly things like standards is counter productive. This blog does best when I don’t really care and just talk about what I’m thinking about. Plus, if I’m constantly rejecting posts because they’re not good enough, or their graphics aren’t finished, then I’m never going to post anything. So basically, I’ll post what I post, and you’ll see it when you see it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have three more days of break to enjoy.