Gotta Get That Loot: Dorngeons and Dorgons Part 2

When last we left our centuple of companions they had driven off a band of ambushing goblins, and captured one of their members. During the scuffle they were betrayed by Jaden who tried to abscond with the supplies, and leave the rest of the group for dead. Elephant bravely subdued Jaden, tackling him to the ground and knocking him unconscious before tying him up.

The group stood over the limp bodies of their two foes. Jaden and the goblin sat back to back, a bundle of rope binding the two together and preventing them from leaving. In addition the group tied their hands and feet, further restricting their movement.

“Wake up the Goblin” said Carlos Luck, “We’ll deal with Jaden later.”

Cinnamon bent down, and placing his hand on the goblin’s forehead, rose the beast from slumber.

“Who do you work for?” Asked Carlos.

“I’ll never tell you anything!” shrieked the goblin with his stupid whiney goblin voice.

Atlas, pulling out his dagger, pressed it against the goblin’s throat, “Tell us what we want to know or we’ll kill you like we did the rest of your pals.”

“Please! No! I have goblings to take care of!” he cried, breaking composure surprisingly easily.

“Are there more vermin like you?” asked Carlos.

“Yes,” he said, hanging his head in defeat, “We have a hideout just up the road, it’s where we keep all out supplies and prisoners from our pillaging.”

“How many”

“No! I won’t tell you any more!”

Atlas further pressed the blade into his throat. A small trail of blood trickled down his throat. “Answer the question!” Snarled Atlas.

Never mess with a dude with horns.
Never mess with a dude with horns.

“About 10 or so” the Goblin cried out in fear, “There’s a room to the right of the entrance, it’s where we keep the wargs, in the back of the room theirs a small garbage shoot that leads directly to the boss’s lair. Ah! I’ve said too much! You won’t get any more information from me!”

“Tell us what we want to know,” yelled Elephant, trying to get in on the interrogation. Summoning his magic abilities Elephant tried to cast charm on the goblin, but to no avail.

“Ha! You are weak wizard! It will take more than that to get any more out of me.”

Feeling a little embarrassed and supremely emasculated, elephant jumped up and shouted, “Oh yeah! I’ll show you! You’ll talk!” In his frustration Elephant grabbed Atlas’ knife and cut off one of the Goblin’s fingers. Apparently it was an important one, because with a single nasty holler the beast bled out and died.

“Well great, thanks for that” said Carlos, admittedly pretty angry at Elephant for killing off their only hostage. But it was no matter, they knew the location of the goblin hideout, and knew a healthy number of other tid bits to confidently assault the base. However, before their adventure could continue they needed to deal with Jaden.

“Wake up ass wipe” said Atlas, probing Jaden with his bow.

Shaking the sleep from his eyes Jaden tried to stand up, only to find himself bound and hardly able to move. “Guys, come on, what’s with all this?” he said.

“All you’ve done since we got this job, is jack off, and now you’ve tried to steal the cart and abandon us! What’s you deal?!” said Carlos through gritted teeth.

“Guys, guys, guys, surely we can forgive my previous misgivings. I’m super sorry.”

“You’re apology doesn’t mean butts! You’re out of the group, go back to Neverwinter, I’m sure there’s plenty of places to jack off there!” yelled Carlos, now fully unhinged.

The forest suddenly became silent as Jaden began to fully realize the folly of his actions. The looks on their faces said all that he needed to know. He had betrayed his allies, something the group was couldn’t forgive. Cinnamon untied him from the deceased goblin, helped him to his feet, and handed him his equipment. clutching his meager possessions in his arms, Jaden set off down the trail, looking back only once to see if the group might have a change of heart, but it was no avail. Since that day, not much has been heard of Jaden son of Smith, save for the occasional rumor.

Play for Full Effect
Artist’s Attempt at an Interpretation

With Jaden gone, the remainder of the group quickly began preparing to assault the mysterious goblin hideout. They pulled the cart behind a fallen tree, and covered the rest of it with branches and other debris to hide it from view. With the cart save they began down the path that the goblin said would lead to the hideout. The autumn leaves made the path difficult to follow, and the group got lost a few times. Not, two hours later the group came to a large clearing. At the far end of the clearing stood a small cliff face about 20 feet high. A small stream emerged from a opening in the face and ran across the clearing and into the woods.

Taking a moment to survey their surroundings, Atlas spots two goblins guarding the opening. Seeking to ambush the goblins, Atlas, Elephant and Cinnamon began walking around the perimeter of the clearing towards the two guards. They began to close in on them, but before they could get within 50 feet of them, they were spotted. Giving up all hope of an ambush, the three charged the goblins. Seeing his friends’ sneak attempt fail, Carlos too began to sprint across the clearing towards the goblins. Suddenly a third goblin emerged from behind a dense thicket and joined the fray. The goblins, however, were no match for these adventurers. In a flurry of swings, arrows, and fire spells, they were quickly defeated.

Hoping no one had heard their little scuffle, the group ventured inside the cave. The main passage continues onwards, bending ever so slightly to the right. Slowly the group crept along the stream, and down the main passageway. Not 50 feet from the entrance was a side room. Quickly the group dove inside. Before them lay 6 sleeping wargs, the nasty kind that seem to prefer aiming for the groin. On their goblin prisoner’s word they quickly went to the back wall of the large cavern, trying their best not to disturb the slumbering beasts. Sure enough there was a hole in the ceiling, just large enough for a single man, and below it lay a pile of refuse. Taking the lead Carlos quickly scurried up the hole. Upon ascending to the top he dropped down his rope and helped the remainder of the crew to scale the narrow fissure.

Har Har, yes "narrow fissure" very funny
Don’t even say it

The room before them was massive, two mighty stalagmites jutted our from the floor just before them, a large fire burned in the center of the room, and the walls were adorned with various barrels and provisions. In the light of the fire, they could make out a single massive creature. Summoning all their might the group assailed the mysterious beast. Upon being struck by, just a smattering of vicious attacks, the beast stood and turned around to yell, “who dares attack the mighty Klarg! I shall smite thee where thy stand!” Needless to say he was not happy. It was a Bugbear, the most fearsome of the Goblonoid family. Bugbears and their ilk are about as nasty as you would expect someone who hangs around with goblins. They’re tall and they’re furry, and they’re nearly as cuddly as one would hope. In fact “trying to cuddle with a bugbear” is listed number 39 in Daran Eldermath’s famous tome: 1001 Good Ways to Get Yourself Killed. But I’m getting sidetracked, back to the story.

The group was admittedly a bit taken aback upon realizing they had engaged a bugbear in close quarters combat, even more so when Karg’s pet, the mangiest wolf you’ve ever seen, emerged from slumber to defend his master. Quickly Elephant reached down and grabbed a rock, holding it above his head he chanted a few elvish incantations, and the rock began to glow with the light of a thousand suns, blinding Klarg and his gross pet. Cinnamon and Atlas unleashed a volley of ice and arrows, and Carlos, sensing it was his time to strike, lunged headlong into the blinded beast. But the young adventurer overestimated his abilities, missing Klarg and lodging his sword in the dirt.

The battle continued for sometime. Despite being quite scary, the wolf was of little assistance to his master, and perished. Seeing his beloved pet die, Klarg let out a horrid scream, raised his morningstar (oh yeah did I mention he was wielding a freaking morningstar!) and bringing it down upon Carlos’ head. Fearing for his friend in peril Cinnamon unleashed an immense ray of frost, freezing the Bugbear solid, before he could finish his swing.

“Whew, I owe you one Cinnamon.” Said Carlos, thankful not to have been converted into Essence of Carlos. Cinnamon nodded and brushed it off like it was nothing.

We got a badass over here
We got a badass over here

With the battle over the group helped themselves to Klarg’s sweet loot and then headed north through an opening to explore the rest of the hideout. They notice a pile of crates that clearly belong to someone who isn’t a goblin, and decide to take them with them. After leaving Klarg’s lair they found themselves on the banks of a sizable underground spring. A dam had been built on the west side of the room, constricting the flow of water out the cavern. The group descended a set of stairs and crept carefully along the stream, back towards the cave entrance. The walked beneath a small wooden bridge connecting two upper levels, stopping for a moment to wait as a pair of guards walked past. They continued further until they came to an eroded section of the western cavern. A steep rocky passage led to the upper levels, and a smattering of different voices could be heard, though none could tell what they were saying.

Doing their best not to make too much noise, they began to creep up the passage (they left the crates at the bottom). It was hard going, and they made quite a ruckus, but the people in the room above them seemed too distracted to notice. Eventually they reached the top. Peeking over the edge, they saw the body of human, bound and gaged, kneeling almost unconscious, not 10 feet from them. Being the sneakiest, Atlas jumped up and grabbed the human, and brought him back. The group recognized the man as Sildar, their quest giver’s body guard. He was in dire shape, so the group agreed to high tail it out of there and not risk any more confrontations. As they began to descend back down the rocky passage, Atlas accidentally dropped slider, and he rolled and tumbled his way all the way to the bottom, landing with a resounding thump in the stream below. The group scurried down after him, luckily he was still alive, but if he was in bad shape before, he was in worse shape now.

Naturally they blamed it on Elephant
Naturally they blamed it on Elephant

Grabbing the crates, and helping Sildar, the group rushed out of the cave, hoping to be long gone before the rest of the goblins found their slain leader. They arrived back at the cart to find it in one piece. They quickly loaded it up, paying extra mind not to drop Sildar again, and continued on their way to Phandalin. In all the excitement they had almost forgotten why they had come on the journey in the first place. But luckily Carlos, being the fastidious one of the group, had the good sense to write it down.

They arrived in Phandalin just as the sun began to set. Tired from a long day of adventuring the group immediately headed for the town tavern. Coughing up the rest of their coin, they purchased a luxurious room and hunkered down for the night. They could return the cart and receive their reward tomorrow. For now all they wanted was the comfort of a warm bed, and a scarcity of Goblins.

Welp, that’s all for this week, tune in next time to find out what happens next! spoiler alert, they go adventuring!