Star Wars Speculation

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god you guys. STAR WARS! It’s Back! The greatest film franchise in all of human history is making a return THIS YEAR! Gaaaaaaah, the excitement is too much to handle. Han, Luke, Chewie, Leia, R2D2, C3PO, THEY’RE ALL COMING BACK YOU GUYS!!!! I honestly can hardly contain myself.  I have literally been waiting for this movie since 1st grade, and now it’s almost here! Ahhh! I don’t know how I’m going to make it to December, so let’s spoil the whole thing right here.

It's revealed Chewie's black.
It’s revealed that Chewie’s actually black.

Ok, not really, I don’t know what’s going to happen in Episode VII, but I feel like if I don’t talk about Star Wars my head is going to explode, so let’s speculate shall we? If you haven’t already seen the trailers, what’s wrong with you you disgusting excuse for a human being, and you can watch them right here:

And here:

Also this one:

 

Alright, let’s start with what we know from the end of Return of the Jedi. So after Episode VI both The Emperor and Darth Vader are dead, the Empire is, if not destroyed, at the very least in tatters, and Luke/Anakin have brought balance to the Force.What will likely happen next is the Rebel Alliance will form some sort of central government (probably called, I don’t know, The New Republic) they will probably then try to seek out and destroy the last remaining elements of The Empire. Han and Chewie most likely stuck around to help the alliance, while Luke probably ran off to find what remains of the Jedi Order, maybe go on some vision quest or some crap, then restore the Order by seeking out Force-sensitive kids. Leia’s a toss up, I could see her going with Luke, or staying with Han to help the New Republic, or doing her own thing all together.

either way it's sure to be badass
either way it’s sure to be badass

Alright now for the Episode VII stuff. We begin with a group of stromtroopers assaulting a New Republic base. After some action sequences, one of the troopers is revealed to be our protagonist, Finn the Human.

Also a human, but no, wrong Finn
Also a human, but no, wrong Finn

Some stuff goes down, and one of a few things happens, perhaps Finn will be left for dead, perhaps he transport will crash, perhaps he will discover he is Force Sensitive (more on that later), or perhaps he’ll just become disillusioned with the whole storm trooping business, but one way or another he’ll find himself stranded on the desert planet of Jakku as an enemy of The Empire, or as they’re now calling themselves, The New Order (although shouldn’t they really be called the Old Order?). Point is he’ll be stranded on Jakku in serious need of a lift.

Once again, wrong Finn
Once again, wrong Finn

And this is where Rey comes in.

And additionally New R2D2
And additionally New R2D2

Based on the trailers Finn is going to get shot at quite a bit while on Jakku, at which point he’ll meet Rey who helps him escape. Now who exactly is Rey? That’s a good question let me tell you in a totally legit non bullshitty kind of way. Not a lot has been revealed about Rey, except that she has access to, and at one point flies none other than THE Millennium Falcon. Maybe you can see where I’m going here. REY IS HAN SOLO’S DAUGHTER! Well, maybe. From what I’ve seen, when she’s not saving Finn’s ass from CGI Tie Fighters she’s hanging’ out getting all buddy buddy with Han and Chewie. Ok, it’s possible I’m over reading things, but the point remains, there is some sort of connection between Han and Rey, and I’m guessing it’s familial.

She's even got them smuggler diggs.
She’s even got them smuggler diggs.

With Finn and Rey aboard the Falcon, the two, well three if you count BB-8 (and possibly five if Han and Chewie are there) proceed to high tail it out of there, at which point we get there’s probably an awesome chase scene that involves flying through the gutted innards of a fallen Star Destroyer.

So fucking badass
So fucking badass

Once they evade the baddies, they will try to find Luke who is probably sulking around looking for people to join his new super cool Jedi club. At some point they’ll meet up with Poe Dameron who factors into the plot somehow, but seeing as how his only appearances have been squealing like a little girl whilst piloting an upgraded X-Wing, his importance remains a mystery to me. Anyways They’ll meet up with Luke who will teach Finn all about the Force, and then if JJ’s instagram is to be believed, Luke will give Finn his lightsaber, presumably so he can go off and fight Kylo Ren.

Spooky
Reminds me of a certain other black -cloaked mask-wearing bad guy

Alright let’s talk about Kylo Ren. We’ve been told that he’s part of a secret organization known as the Knights of Ren. Now given that this guy’s wielding a red lightsaber one would assume that he’s a new sith lord, but I’m not so sure. After Return of the Jedi, the sith were supposed to be destroyed, what seems more likely is that this is some sort of cult that thinks the sith are really cool and tries to emulate/worship them. I say this for two reasons. One, the people making the movie have pretty much said as much, but also this Kylo definitely seems to be channeling Darth Vader. Also if you want to get super over-analytical his lightsaber seems improvised, the beam isn’t as clean as a normal saber, plus dat hilt. Anyways, one way or another, Kylo and the Knights of Ren are likely allied with the New Order. How closely allied I can’t say, this Kylo guy could be leading the whole operation, or he could just be some sort of Force-sensitive hitman. I suspect the Knights of Ren are far more interested in finding Jedi/Sith artifacts, and possibly restoring the Sith to power. Furthermore, I anticipate he will become the primary antagonist for the majority of the new trilogy (as if it wasn’t super obvious), and you can certainly bet he isn’t going to die in Episode 7 (although I am much looking forward to his duel with Finn).

YAAAASSSSS!
YAAAASSSSS!

Now as for the New Order, they’re formed in the ruins of The Empire, and they’re trying to restore ye olde tyranny back to the galaxy. If I had to bet the focus of their role in the movie will be on the Jedi. They know that if Luke restores the Jedi order, they’re through. For that reason they have likely dispatched Kylo Ren, and the mysterious Captain Phasma to seek out and kill Force Sensitive people, and Luke Skywalker (if they can find him). Oh and they’re probably about to unleash some super-weapon or massive offensive, which the new Star Warriors will narrowly thwart.

Death Star 3?
Death Star 3?

The Movie will end in one glorious battle scene with the New Republic facing off against the New Order battling over some super Mcguffin. Meanwhilst Finn and Kylo Ren will have a nice little duel of fates somewhere both nearby, and far removed from the larger skirmish. Finn will deal some crippling blow to Kylo, who will then flee the battle, and Poe with the aid of Rey and Han will battle their way to the secret New Order Base, eventually destroying New Order’s totally-not-the-death-star super weapon. Then there’ll be a big celebration, and an after the credits-sequence that introduces some greater foe that the Star Warriors 2.0 will have to battle in the remaining installments.

My money's on an evil Hedgehog
My money’s on an evil Hedgehog

Now as to how much of that is actually true to what’s in the movie? I have no idea, but I do know that it’s probably going to be awesome, and I am unbelievably excited to go see it.

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

 

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