Bucket List

It’s getting to the point where I have to start deciding what I want to do with my life. Lame I know. And so to that end, I’ve decided to build a bucket list, a list of things I want to do before I die (who am I kidding, I’m never going to die). Kinda like that movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.

Wow 27 years later and Jack Nicholson still thinks he’s in The Shinning!

Most of the stuff is pretty boring. Go to Europe, visit the homeland, pants the Queen of England, yadda yadda yadda. But if I had to pick one place to go, I think I would have to go with the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum in New York City. One, because it’s where they filmed the scene in National Treasure, where Nick Cage jumps off the side and escape into the Hudson River, two because it’s a freaking aircraft carrier which I believe is the definition of badass, and three because IT’S WHERE THEY FILMED THE SCENE FROM NATIONAL TREASURE WHERE NICK CAGE JUMPS OFF OF IT!

But I don’t just want to go places, I also want to meet cool and interesting people. And I’m not just talking celebrities. I mean would it be awesome to meet Nick Cage and have him sign my special edition DVD of National Treasure? Of course. But if there is anyone I want to meet it’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and Bill Nye (surprise surprise). I’m not just saying that because of their notoriety, I also feel like those are two dudes I could hangout with and just real talk about some black holes and stuff. I would also settle with the Mythbusters, really anyone who’s been featured in an Epic Rap Battle of History.

At some point I’m probably going to have to do some work, so I’d like a bitchin’ title, like director, or chairman, or commandant, really anything where I get to have underlings. I’ll settle for interns, but I’d really prefer someone I don’t have to clean up after.

“Sorry, we only hire hypoallergenic underlings”

More than anything though I want to leave a positive impact on the world, leave my dent in the universe as the overused Steve Job’s phrase goes. You know, something that can really remind future generations of my awesomeness. My ultimate goal is to have me, or something I made fly into space (children included). Even if it’s just something as silly as a stray potato from my tater-based railgun (patent pending). If I can make even a minuscule contribution to human space exploration I will consider my life complete.

“Suck my dick Kármán Line!”

Oh and when I do eventually die, I want a viking funeral. But none of that weak boat crap, I want a real trial by fire.