Coming Soon!

So this past weekend I became obsessed with making fake movie posters. It all started when I decided to photoshop my head onto Indiana Jones and pretend to be a world class adventurer. That didn’t turn out too well, but it gave me the idea to photoshop my head onto an astronaut.

It got like 8 likes on Facebook!!
It got like 8 likes on Facebook!!

Once filled with the kind of giddiness that can only come from mediocre social media reception I got the idea to photoshop myself into more and more badass situations.

Explosions: for all you photographic lighting needs
Oh you guys don’t know about my twins Kevin and Dave?

It didn’t take long for me to say, “hey, these would make some badass movie posters.” And a star was born.

Turns out having a codename that's also your actual name is a good way to get shot
Turns out having a codename that’s also your actual name is a good way to get shot

I honestly still can’t get over how awesome that poster is. Yeah, I know my hair is like weirdly green, and the whole thing looks obviously photoshopped, but EXPLOSIONS! Of course I couldn’t stop there.


I think A Spy Named Matt would somewhere in the realm of James Bond, except with me instead of James Bond, and I’m constantly asking why Matt Damon hates me so much. Secret Agent Man on the other hand is more of an action-comedy/buddy cop movie. Me and Chris Pratt would try to save the world from like some guy, and me and Emma Watson would get together, and everything would be awesome. Oh and everytime I walk in a room the song Secret Agent Man starts playing in the background, because that can never get boring.

Most of my movies star me, supported by a combination of either Chris Pratt, Emma Watson, or Ellen Page, and occasionally Steve Buscemi. Speaking of which, if any of those posters strike your fancy Chris, Emma, or Ellen, let me know and we can work something out (you’ve heard about low-budget films, how about no-budget films?).Of all the posters that I’ve made, those two are the ones I’m most proud of. After that I tried making ones for my weird indie comedies, but let’s just say they didn’t turn out so well…

look photoshop is hard, ok
Look photoshop is hard, ok


All I can hope is that that awful poster isn’t some horrible foreshadowing for a movie I thought up in the shower during freshman year of college which will probably never get made. Hahaha! What was I talking about again?

TMI bro
TMI bro

Anyways, this whole process really got me in the mood to make a movie. Film-making is fun. Hell half the reason I made Solitude was because I was bored and it was something fun to do. I really want to do more of that. The problem is, writing, directing, starring in, while also acting as an entire sound, lighting and camera crew is a major pain in the ass. Solitude took me three days to film. It would have taken 2 hours if I had someone to hold the god damn camera. And so lies the primary limiting factor. I might be able to pull out a few more of those one-man-acts, but I need people. Even if just people to stand around and hold things. I need someone to bounce ideas off of so I can determine if my indie dramedie coming-of-age story is any good or in fact a giant bill of turtle semen. Right now I don’t have that person (or people) so instead I guess I’ll just have to stick to dreamin’

One day
One day…one day



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