Christmas Songs

I have a love hate relationship with christmas songs. On the one hand, they’re fun and they have that nostalgia factor that everybody loves. But on the other hand you can only listen to Baby It’s Cold Outside so many times before you want to murder Zooey Deschanel.

Oh, but she's just too fun and quirky to axe murder.
Oh, but she’s just too fun and quirky to axe murder.

The problem is most christmas songs went out of copyright years ago so they are free to record. Factor in the fact that people eat that crap up, and you basically have a money printing press. That’s why you see every artist from Josh Groban to Kelly Clarkson to Bob freaking Dylan recording a christmas album, no matter how terrifying and childhood scarring it may be.

Only two people have ever managed to pull off an enjoyable, traditional christmas album: Michael “Bubbles” Bublé, and Andrea Bocelli. That’s not to say that those are the only good christmas albums, no far from it. Those are just the only ones who stick to the regular “Here Comes Santa Claus” and “Jingle Bells” lineup, and manage to remain listenable. Then again how could you not enjoy hearing Andrea Bocelli sing with the muppets.

There are plenty of good Christmas albums, but they’re good in part because they’re different. Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” is awesome because it put a pop spin on the slow acoustic sound of those old christmas carols. Part of what Michael Bublé’s Christmas album great is that he speeds it up and has that sweet brass section behind him. And best of all, The Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack is amazing because it’s Jazz, and good Jazz at that. Plus you got to love that dance!

Really if you want to make a good Christmas album the objective is to make it sound as little like a christmas album as possible. Every listenable version of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” was recorded before 1950, having Justin Bieber sing it will not improve things whatsoever. From October to December we’re all forced to listen to these songs, so please dear god, play something different for a change.

Oh and Zooey, sorry I threatened to murder you earlier.

It was totally uncalled for.


Yes, I suppose it was a little crazy too. I just hope we can still be friends.

yaaay, happy ending!
yaaay, happy ending!

On the third day of Matt’s Vaguely Religious Winter-Themed Festivities my true love gave to me

3 More Birds

stupid birds
stupid birds