Happy Halloween

Ah, October 31st, the most Hallowed of all the Ween’s. As a kid halloween was a personal favorite. You got to stay up late, you got to dress up in cool costumes, and you got free candy, the children’s equivalent of cocaine! But of course a grown-ass man prancing about the neighborhood in search of full bars isn’t socially acceptable for some reason. Alas, I’ve moved on.

When it comes to adult Halloween, I find there are two types of people. First off there are people like me, who forget that it’s halloween only to walk into history class and sit next to some dude wearing an elaborate costume, and wonder what the hell is going on.

I didn't realize Daft Punk was so interested in the Guided Age
I didn’t realize Daft Punk was so interested in the Guided Age

At which point you remember it’s halloween and put on whatever article of clothing are in reach so you don’t look like a party pooper. Then there are the other 10% of people who take halloween way too seriously. Yes you, the person who planned their costume months in advance, the person who spent 500 hours gluing cotton balls together just for that one moment where you get to be like, “Haha, I’m The Cloud, get it?!”

You look like seamen
You look like jizz

Now I applaud you for your dedication. That Elsa costume certainly didn’t come cheap. All I’m saying is I’ve been wearing the same bare-minimum “costume” for the past 3-ish years and it’s worked pretty well so far.

That is one piece of candy corn I would not recommend eating
That is one piece of candy corn I would not recommend eating

Just a sidenote, does anyone actually play “bobbing for apples”. People keep talking about bobbing for apples like it’s a thing people do, I always thought is was just one of those myths people told you in elementary school so they could get you to say “I-C-U-P’. I like apples, but I don’t particularly like my apples covered in the saliva 30 different people. I guarantee you’re walking away with more than just an apple (namely Herpes).

"Is this supposed to be fun?" "I don't know, but Sam's been down there a really long time."
“Is this supposed to be fun?”
“I don’t know, but Sam’s been down there a really long time.”

Well enjoy your Halloween, stay safe, and don’t get into to much trouble ya’ rascals. Live it up tonight because starting tomorrow it’s nothing but christmas songs and holiday shopping until New Year’s.

And so it begins…


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