The Omnibus

  • Why do people insist on putting fruits into shampoo. Don’t put avocado in my shampoo I don’t want to smell like guacamole, thank you very much, I’m not a bowl of dip.
  • Isn’t it odd how hipsters are all about being indie and not mainstream, yet being a hipster is very popular, aka mainstream. The irony is almost too much to take.
  • I want to start an advice column but no one ever asks me for advice.
Oh, don't give me that face
Oh, don’t give me that face
  • I would like to amend a statement I made earlier. I don’t hate airports, I hate small airports. Why do the smallest airports have the worst, most harsh security? Honestly, who is going to blow up the Burlington “International” Airport?
  • I have empirically determined that cats are evil. They carry harmful brain-eating parasites, and they secretly hate you.
  • I have a hard time distinguishing when people are and are not talking directly to me, which leads to the inevitable conclusion of me assuming EVERYONE is talking to me (awkwardness ensues).
  • I have a deep seeded hatred of the bus. Back in Middle and High School I had the worst bus, the driver was annoying, and all the other people on my bus were weird. So weird in-fact that I took to calling them the “stairwell kids” (which one enterprising individual misinterpreted as “sterile kids” hilarity insued). Well that and there was the time I got on the wrong bus.
  • I enjoy intimidating small waterfowl such as seagulls. If that makes me a terrible person, so be it
  • Sometimes when I walk my arms flap around so much I feel like a deranged seal.
  • Freaking Border Collies man, they are just the dumbest
    Freaking Border Collies man, they are just the dumbest
  • Blogs are so 2000 and late, I want to start a podcast. Podcasts are so in right now.
  • I feel like the word “bromance” gets over used. What can’t two guys go see a play together without it being labeled a “bromance”. I don’t hear you and your “gal pals” having a giromance, actually never mind that just sounds weird.
  • Is Vine still a thing? I downloaded that app like a year ago and haven’t used it since.
  • I get the sense that my viewership doesn’t share my enthusiasm for space travel.
  • I keep seeing people who look like other people that I know, and it’s really creepy.
  • I have a tendency to get giggly when talking about girls. If that makes me immature so be it.
This has nothing to do with anything, I just got distracted
I can’t think of a context that makes this less weird
  • Apparently my viewership doesn’t share my enthusiasm for space. Bloody plebeians.
  • Don’t try to talk to me when I have my headphones on, they’re there for a reason, which is I don’t want to talk to you.
  • Ladies feel free to ignore that previous statement, I always got time for you babe.
  • I would apologize for my previous statement, it was weird.
  • Man am I running out of ideas for August Month of Madness. Tell me what you’d like to see by sending your suggestions to!
  • A lot of times I’ll think up a silly phrase, only to google it and find out it’s already a meme:
*slow headshake sad walkaway*
*slow headshake sad walkaway*
  • It’s hard to get into the blogging mood when there’s calc homework to do.

Well that’s enough of that. To be honest, I’m desperate. I pledged to write a new post everyday of the month, and I’ve run out of ideas. So please, I’m begging you, send your suggestions to I hate to sound desperate, but I am desperate. But if my eternal gratitude isn’t enough for you, I will carve a sculpture of your likeness out of the pile of cardboard that is still sitting in my room, and I will grant you 20 (20!) clapping credits to be redeemed at the time of your choosing. Not sure what clapping credits are, well email me your suggestions to find out!