Do I Know You?

I can’t go anywhere anymore. Everywhere I go whether I’m walking down the street, or ordering bagels, or participating in a charity boat race, someone always comes up and says, “Oh my god! Hi Matthew!” It’s one thing when I know the person, at least then I can strike up a casual, albeit incredibly awkward conversation with them, but most of the time it’s is come completely random stranger, which naturally begs the question: Who are you and why do you think you know me?

What are you talking about, I'm just a simple hat.
What are you talking about, I’m just a hat.

For example that boat race I was talking about: this weekend was the annual Dragon Boat Festival in Burlington. A bunch of teachers put together a team to race in the festival. Well one of the teachers had to drop out last minute (because I guess they were allergic to going outside or something), and since my mother was on the team I was automatically volunteered to sub in for the person. That was fine, I expected to run into some people who would recognize, I did go to the school, no it was what happened later that cause me to utter the phrase: I am so going to blog about this later.

Everything was going well, I had to wake up early, but that was manageable. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda, we’re getting ready to board the boat for our race, when suddenly they drag everyone out into the middle of the staging area (aka the Coast Guard Station parking lot) and tell everyone to start dancing. I didn’t know it at the time but apparently we were doing Zoomba.

Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 3.53.00 PM

This wasn’t a spontaneous thing either, it was an official thing, with Zoomba instructors and all. I have no idea why we were doing Zoomba, but there we were.And if you’re wondering, oh yeah, Gilmo’s got moves. Aaaaanyways, so I’m standing there awkwardly flailing my arms in the air when one of the Zoomba people starts staring me down. Now initially I thought she was merely perplexed by my advanced dancing abilities. But then she was all like “HEY!” At which point the following thoughts appeared in my head (in this order). Oh god what did I do? I did something wrong didn’t I. Is she talking to somebody behind me? [turn around] No I don’t think so. Who does she think I am? Am I really that bad of a dancer? Oh snap are they playing Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)? I love that song! Waka Waka! This time…for Africa.

Why hello to you too!
Tell me, which one of you lovely ladies is Africa.

So I did the only thing I could, pretend to be completely oblivious and hope no one noticed. Eventually the music stopped (Shakira on the other hand, never stops) and she explained that she was the parent of one of the kids I went to High School with. *sigh* you know you could have led with that, instead of making me second guess my dancing ability. Maybe I’m should just pretend to be blind for the rest of my life. That way I can just pretend not to see people. At the very least I need to get better at hiding.

Person? What Person? I'm just a pile of dirt.
Person? What Person? I’m just a pile of dirt.


All this August is MONTH OF MADNESS! One blog post everyday for the entire month! You can send your suggestions for articles to And stay tuned for more from everyone’s favorite vaguely defined internet blog!