The other day a friend of mine showed me the new trailer for the upcoming film Interstellar. The trailer itself was nothing special, just more british exposition, with a twinkle of special effects and a few glimpses at the secondary characters. Overall I was unimpressed, however I did notice a few things. A) Michael Caine looks baller in a beard, and B) Matthew McConaughey keeps making that dumb face.
No not that one…
Yeah that’s it. All I want to know is why? Why is he making that face? What is making his face contort in such an odd and mysterious way? This is not the face of an ordinary person. Clearly something is afoot, but what? Does Christopher Nolan have some sort of controtionist Fetish? Did McConaughey get into an accident at glue factory? Was he possessed by the spirit of an ancient chinese warlord? I don’t know. But I was sure as hell going to find out.
So I started doing some digging. I couldn’t find any glue related accident reports, nor any records of toxic waste spills in proximity to Matt here. Although I did find a story about McConaughey saved a cat from pre-mature immolation, so kudos for that I guess. But then I remembered this from Wolf of Wall Street (a movie I tooootally saw):
I should mention that this scene was not a scripted event. That whole chest pumping thing, that’s something McConaughey actually does, just like walking’ around town beating up some kind of storm. So there’s only one answer. Matthew McConaughey is possessed by the spirit of an ancient chinese warlord. Which would explain the switch from RomComs to DramDrams, as well as the strange desire to star in Magic Mike. So there you go Internet, I just solved one of the World’s Greatest Mysteries. You can mail your donations to me, I accept most major credit cards, as well as PayPal (no bit coins though).