Let’s Talk

Hi, how’s it going? I don’t know I feel like it’s been a really long time since we just, you know, sat down and had a talk. I mean we’re constantly out and about living our lives, just kind of tolerating each other and our odd out of place hyper-patriotic freedom rants, that we don’t ever really stop for a moment and just talk about…us, well, me.

So first thing’s first I am doing well. I’m home, I’m happy, and I’m happy. The big three H’s. I’m currently unemployed, so if anyone has any openings or menial labor, and are in need of a chubby white dude with four appendages (that’s right I have both arms AND legs), I’m your guy. Although I will say, I’m diggin’ the unemployed life, what more do you need than video games, World Cup soccer, and a nice hammock. I couldn’t be happier right now, well except for one thing.

I’m at the point in my life where I’ve just finished my first year of college, and so I’ve returned home for summer vacation, and I’ve been home so long that i’ve started running into all those people from High School I stopped talking to (see Awkward Reunions). And every single time I do I always get asked the same bloody question, “Oh hey, how’s college?” I hate that question, and not just because I generally dislike social interaction with people I hardly know/care about, but because it is a downright terrible question.

Everyone always has the same stupid reaction, oh it was great, as if waking up at 11 o’clock and eating nothing but Pop Tarts could have possibly been anything less than amazing. And even if the person did have a bad year 99 times out of 10 (yes I know the math is wrong, it’s an exaggeration. Fine 99 times out of 100, happy?)  they’re just going to say they had a great year anyways, because what, it’s not like your going to tell your mom’s bridge partner about the time you got to third base with a goat. Trust me, the last thing you want is people to think your not having an amazing time at college, because it’s annoying as crap.

Unfortunatley, you have no control over the things people ask you, or at least not direct control. People immediately ask about college because it is the easiest and most obvious thing they can ask about. And that’s what conversation is really, just pointing out obvious things about the person you’re talking to. Aaaaanyways, the best thing you can do is find a way to deal with it. And luckily I have found the perfect solution.

I’m probably not the first person to think of this but every time someone asks me how college was, I formulate a three part response. Part 1: An adjective generally describing my overall experience at college: good, great, awesome, splendiferous. Part 2: A random comment on some random part of college life: It was so nice living on my own for once, classes were great but a little large for my liking, the dorms were smelly. Part 3, the most important part: tell a fun anecdote about some ca-razy thing you did in college. For example the story I like to tell is the time we threw a shark off the roof of the student center (the goat thing wasn’t real but the shark thing is). It’s best if you can start out with some phrase that sounds outrageous, so that the other person goes, “Say Whaaaat?!” and then you can go into an explanation of what you said. And before you know it, you’re having an actual conversation with another human being.


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