Trouble in Rut-Vegas

To clarify, we're that tiny little red dot in the corner
To clarify, we’re that tiny little red dot in the corner

As you may well know, I hail from the great state of Vermont. And I love the place with all my heart. From our quaint rural style, to our glorious maple syrup, to our weird-ass whale statue that no one seems to understand. Hell I love Vermont so much, if it ever decided to secede from the union (which, yes is very much a thing), I would join the ranks of the green mountain boys (yes that is the name of our army) almost immediately. If you can’t tell already Vermont is a weird place, and we like it that way. It’s also a very small place, so naturally we don’t get a whole lot of news coverage, which is fine with us, we mostly keep to ourselves. So of course it came as a surprise when I should see a headline in the New York Times featuring none other than my homeland!

There is a small chance I may know that person
There is a small chance I may know that person

It’s weird how my first reaction to reading this article was uncontrollable fits of laughter and my second was to scream “RUT-VEGAAAAASSS!!” (I should probably clarify, Rut-Vegas is another name for a town called Rutland in central Vermont). Luckily for everyone in my english class I was able to (mostly) control myself.  Coming from somewhere that’s so untalked about that we are often assumed to be part of Canada, it’s so wonderfully awesome when Vermont makes the news.

Anyways it would seem that the people of Rut-Vegas are currently dealing with a bit of a heroin epidemic. And while the story is kind of interesting, highlighting the ways in which even small towns like Rut-Vegas are having to deal with drug problems, I’m not from Rut-Vegas so I don’t actually care. I’m actually from South Burlington, the great yuppie heart of our beautiful state, and coincidentally the only place in a 100 mile radius where you can get a Five Guys Burger.

The only problem our national news coverage that it is almost always because of something bad/stupid. In this case it was Heroin, but last time it was a teacher having sex with one of her students (Go BHS!), and before that it was our Winter Ball being cancelled because of a ban on “Grinding” (although it was enjoyable listening to journalists struggle to explain what ‘Grinding’ is). Oh yeah and before that it was sexting. Those last two stories were actually at my high school.

But we’re okay with all the attention because deep down we know that we come from the greatest state in the greatest country in the world (suck it New Hampshire). Vermont everybody.

Oh, I probably also should have mentioned that everyone in Vermont is an aspiring rapper.