To Be Good or To Be Evil

There comes a time in every man’s life when he must decide whether to join the forces of good or the forces of evil. It is by no means an easy choice. On the one hand you have the forces of good, with equal parts freedom, justice, and lightsabers. And on the other hand you have the forces evil, with most of the perks of the good side, but without the stigma against strapping solid rocket boosters to Narwhals. In the end though I can only pick one side, and I think I’m going to go with the dark side.

My horn can pierce the sky!
My horn can pierce the sky!

I will say that I was initially tempted by the good side. It’s hard to turn down the team that includes the likes of Luke Skywalker, Neo, and freaking Batman! Hell who wouldn’t want to go from riding in the bat mobile to lightsaber dueling all in the same day. But then I remembered, the dark side also has lightsabers (red just happens to be my favorite color), plus they get to have badass names like Darth Malevolence!!!!

Fear me! and rub my belly
Honestly the lightsaber seems redundant

That’s when I realized how much fun the dark side is. All the good guys are always held back by such mundane things like rules, and ethics, and junk. The good side tends to frown on things like launching whales into space, and invading small island nations. Whereas if I join the dark side, I would be free to amass an enormous despotic empire, invade the south pacific like it’s going out of style, and start the worlds first ever cetaceous space program!

I’m really looking forward to it. Once I climb the ladder to evil success, and kill my master thereby fulfilling the rule of two, I can take control of the evil forces that control the world and do whatever evil deeds I feel like doing. Maybe I’ll even build a secret moon base! Oh man, just wait until I get those Narwhal death rays up and running, it’s going to be off the hook!

Come at me China
Come at me China
Advertisements