Three Wishes

It’s the classic hypothetical question. You are approached by a genie, or a sorcerer, or Chuck Norris, and are given three wishes. You can have anything you want in the entire world with two limitations: you can’t ask for more wishes (trust me I’ve tried), and you can’t force someone to do something . Naturally most people end up asking for the same few things. They want a ton of money, they want to rule the world, or they want a really cool car. LAME! Let me tell you what I would wish for.

  1. A secluded island estate complete with secret underground/underwater lair, helipad, underwater submarine dock, ICBM missile launch silo, and an infinity pool.
  2. A fleet of intergalactic starships. Or, if I have stick with current technology, a fleet of nautical ships. Something I can use to terrorize a small island nation.
  3. The original Megazord from the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. And I’m not talking about the toy version, I already have that, no I’m talking about the full-fledged 100-foot tall robo-ass-kicking monster that is the Megazord (If the original Megazord is unavailable I will also accept the Astro Mergazord).
I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds!
I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds!

When picking your three wishes you have to aim high. For example my wishes are aimed towards world domination, or at the very least, domination of the South Pacific (BACK OFF CHINA, THE PHILIPPINES ARE MINE!!). If you just aim for being another fatass rich person, then you’re going to be sorely disappointed when you find that all you have to your name is one boring pile of cash and a few nice cars. Instead you should wish for something that may actually bring your life happiness like a sprawling island empire!

You can’t squander an opportunity like three open-ended wishes. Wishing for ordinary stuff that you can buy is just a waste. Do you have any idea how many people own Bugattis and Ferraris, neither do I, but I assume it’s a lot because people talk about them all the time. Do you have any idea how many people own megazords? Zero, because they’re fictitious!

Unfortunately three wishes isn’t a lot of stuff, so my list of badass things I want had to be narrowed down considerably. Here’s some things that didn’t quite make the list.

  • A Bear
  • A UH-60 Blackhawk Helicopter
  • Guam
  • A Badass Moonbase
  • Lightsabers, lots of Lightsabers
  • Andrúil
  • A Death Star
  • An SR-71 Blackbird
  • A Dragon
  • Torpedo Launcher and no fewer than 1,500 proton torpedoes
  • An incredibly famous Film Studio
  • An M1 Abrams Tank
  • A clan of Ewoks
  • All of the robots from Pacific Rim
  • T-51b Power Armor
  • Howitzer Battery
  • The one Ring to rule them all
  • A Castle (Trebuchet included)
  • Charizard
  • V-22 Osprey