I’m feeling disillusioned today. Don’t worry, I won’t hate you if you skip over this one, it’s probably going to be pretty boring anyways. I’m probably just talking to myself at this point anyways (though, that wouldn’t be the worst thing ever). I don’t know maybe I’m homesick, maybe it’s cabin fever (being stuck in your dorm for days on end does things to you), maybe I’m just being a little bitch (probably the most likely), I don’t know anymore. I don’t even care anymore, all I want to do is complain a little right now.
The source of my discontent this here blog. More specifically the fact that no one reads it anymore (that implies that anyone read it in the first place. Also on a side note, Ronak, stop liking my posts the second I post them, I KNOW YOU HAVEN’T EVEN READ THEM YET! Ugh, my stats page has become a serious downer. Given how much I joke about how no one reads my blog, you’d think that I wouldn’t care, or that I’d be above it right? Wrong, because as much as it pains me to say, I’m just as much of a fame whore as everyone else.
See here’s the thing, all my life everyone has told me I’m amazing, as I’m sure your friends and family have probably told you. Well in many ways, this here blog being one of them, I have come to the realization that I am just like everybody else, and I hate everybody else. How boring is that, just another face in the crowd. Well I guess it’s all for the best, everyone has to realize at some point that they probably aren’t going to be famous. I mean I’ve always realized that the odds were pretty small, but I’ve always had that picture of being that beloved stand-up comedian, or director, or astronaut. I constantly say to myself, you know I’m probably not going to be famous for making movies, but there has always been that voice that said, except that I totally am.
In many respects this blog is a manifestation of that voice. I always kind of assumed from the beginning that my blog would become some kind of viral hit. Like I would wake up one day and find that millions of people had read my post about PDA. Instead I’ve been treated to some sobering statistics, which I probably should have expected, but what can I say I’m an arrogant asshole. But who knows, I haven’t been doing this for very long (only a year), maybe I’ll have my big break later, I’m still young, I got time (there’s that voice talking again).
But what’s changed. Why am I so disillusioned today? Why does the world seem so dark and barren where once it was bright and full of laughter? Am I slowly becoming a boring person like everyone else, because that sounds terrible. Conformity is really starting to scare me. Can I just be a mountain man for the rest of my life, I’ve got the genes for it.