Symptoms of Chronic Cryto-Cranial Linguisticism

If you do one thing for long enough it starts to change who you are. Play video games for 16 hours straight and sure enough your dreams will be in 8-bit. Marathon every episode of Game of Thrones and…you’ll…I don’t know I don’t watch game of thrones (I don’t know I just don’t really have enough time to dedicate to such an intense show). Spend your life woodworking and every tree will begin to look like furniture. The point is, I’m close to a year into this literary experiment of mine and, like all good drugs, the side effects are starting to show. I’m…*gulp*…turning into a writer (egad!)!

Gotta get dem Brain Dawgs!
This is your brain on literacy

I’m not referring to my propensity for preposterous word choices, I’ve always done that (nothing makes you sound more like an asshole than using the term “splendiferous”), the symptoms I suffer are threefold. First and foremost when you take up writing (something I highly recommend) you flex the creative muscles in that old head cavity of yours and naturally they get stronger, and you get better at making stuff up.  As a result I have note upon note about different ideas for things to write, whether they be blog posts or movies or cracked articles, or even books. This is great, I don’t have to crunch right before my deadline (even though I still do) to think of something to write because I’ve thought up an idea earlier. The problem is I think up ideas faster than I can write them so I have a huge backlog. As a result I have a huge pile of projects to work on and not enough time (or motivation for that matter) to get them done. Hell I still have articles from High School to write (even though I probably never will).

My second problem is related to the first. Because I have so many different projects going on, I’m constantly getting distracted from the other things I love. I spend so much time making memes and comparing people to zebra phalluses in addition to all the work I have to do for college, that I don’t have time to do the other things I love like building giant zebra phalluses in minecraft. It’s actually gotten to the point where I’ll be working on a project only to be distracted by another project. That’s actually what happened to Advenutes in Clarksville! I kept getting distracted by other, bigger (and significantly better) projects until I just stopped writing them (well that’s one explanation).

The last Symptom I suffer from is one that we all suffer from. Once you get used to sharing your life on the etherwebs you start wanting to share EVERYTHING on the interwebs. It’s as if my filters have been completely obliterated. For example: the other day I went to Taco Bell, and got a burrito and I thought, “hey this is a pretty good burrito, I SHOULD BLOG ABOUT IT!” And while I could have blogged about that, it would have made for a terrible article. In fact if I actually went through all of the ideas I have for things to blog about, at least half of them would probably be one-off jokes about how good the bagels are at the Burlington Bagel Bakery (for real though, they are amazing).

Seriously, go there
Seriously, go there

So do you or someone you know own a blog? Do you experience high levels of stress and anxiety? Are you constantly distracted? Do you feel the need to obsessively share about every aspect of you dull and boring life? Then you may have Chronic Cryto-Cranial Linguisticism.  Every year thousands of aspiring writers are diagnosed with this terrible disease. With proper treatment this condition can be managed. Please contact your physician before it’s too late. The More You Know.

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