Government Shutdown Special!

Jump for joy everybody! Through and intricate mix of stupidity and dickishness the US Congress has failed to pass a budget and the Government has shut down, happy day! I’m not even going to approach the speckled turd that is congressional budgetary debate, besides the real debate we should be having is why moon shoes never caught on.

They were the future!
They were the future!

In any event get excited, the government shutdown is here! It’s like living in Any Rand’s wet dream. Think about it: chaos, anarchy, looting! I freaking love looting! Naturally I assume a government shut down means the shutdown of any and all kinds of government authority like that crappy horror movie The PurgeAnything serious enough to send the NASA guys home ought to bring about a post-apocalyptic sense of anarchy. Well while the government is shut down we may as well enjoy the opportunity to have a little fun. Then again, we don’t know how long this thing is going to last, and I don’t want to pretend to know enough to make a prediction (It’s too much up-keep you know?), so we best budget our time wisely.

First thing’s first, we should probably start this shutdown off right with an inaugural joke, or witty comment. Who would I be if I didn’t exploit national crises for personal gain?

My point exactly!
My point exactly!

I’m gonna be honest I’m running low on witty comments right now, so instead I’ll do what everyone else on the internet does and just post something funny that someone else said:

Haha, silly Jim...you're fat
Haha, silly Jim…you’re fat

Alright let’s get to some lootin’ and riotin’! I was thinking we should hit up an apple store and grab some of the new iPhones, but everybody’s gonna be doing that. Instead we need to steal something badass. Oh! We should go steal Abraham Lincoln’s head from the Lincoln Memorial! That’s so badass! Sorry I’m not going to be able to finish this post, I gotta hop a train to DC so I can go steal the ham-boy’s head (get it like abra-HAM lincoln)! Sooo yeah, do whatever you want here on my blog, just be sure to turn off the lights when you leave, I got a statue to defile!

Advertisements