Welcome to yet another episode of my recurring series: Adventures in Clarksville! (It’s friday what did you expect?)
Jason, Tommy, Adam, Carly, and Karen each sat in front of their computers at their respective houses playing League of Legends, and chatting over skype. They were doing well that night, they won their first two games, and narrowly lost the third, but only because Adam got disconnected from his wifi. As they were waiting for the next match to start, Carly said, “Hey so my friend Becky invited us all over to her house for an end of the summer party. Do you guys want to go? Everyone’s going to be there.” Adam was all for it, and Jason and Karen honestly didn’t care one way or the other, but it was Tommy who absolutely did not want to go. “Can we not?” pleaded Tommy. “Why not?” asked Adam. “I’ve been trying to avoid all the baseball kids ever since I quit. I just know they’re gonna give me so much crap. You know they threatened to give me an enema one time.” Said Tommy. Jokingly Jason said, “Aw, that’s so cute they want to butt chug with you? What’s to be afraid of?” “When 8 jacked seniors try to stick a pipe up you asshole, let’s just see how you feel. Please can we not go to this part?” begged Tommy. Carly who desperately wanted to defend her public image asked, “Oh come on, we don’t have to stay long, just show up and hang out for a little while, if you really want we can leave early. Besides all the baseball kids will probably be too wasted to recognize you.” “That’s what I’m afraid of,” replied Tommy, but he reluctantly complied saying, “Fine, but if we see those baseball jocks we are leaving!” Joyously Carly shouted, “Yay! I’ll tell Becky!”
The next day the gang showed up to the house to find a wild rumpus already in progress. Despite only being 10 o’clock in the evening, the attendees had wasted no time losing their inhibitions. The gang walked up to the house, past the front yard littered with red solo cups, and to the front door. As it opened the five of them beheld the most stereotypical high school party scene ever imagined. Everyone was going crazy, and they were all drinking as if it were the last day of their lives (Although in their defense school was starting in a week, so it was kind of true). The heavy techno music was deafening, and the strobe lights were blinding, not to mention the smell of 80 plus sweaty teens all gyrating in sync. Almost as soon as they arrived Adam and Carly ran off to find something to drink (assuming there was anything left). From across the room Tommy’s fears became reality, not only were his former baseball teammates at the party, but they had seen him come in, and were on their way over to talk to him. So Tommy did the thing he does best, he ran. Before darting off he said to Karen and Jason, “I was never here!” and with that he was gone. A very confused gaggle of baseball players came up to Jason and Karen, and the biggest, meanest, ugliest one asked, “Have you seen Tommy? I could’ve sworn I just saw him here.” Clearing his throat Jason replied, “Nah man, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” As the jocks left, Karen said to Jason, “I’m starting to see why Tommy is so afraid of those guys.”
Suddenly Carly stumbled back half-carrying a very intoxicated Adam. “Wow! Someone’s had a lot to drink, haven’t we?” asked Jason. “I don’t know, he’s only had like two drinks,” replied a very confuse Carly. “Aw, poor Adam can’t handle alcohol,” laughed Karen. In a drunken voice Adam said, “E-scuse me. E-scuse me…where might a gentlemeh find a the loo?” “He’s like a giant baby!” exclaimed Jason. “Yeah well I better bring him to the bathroom before he craps his pants,” replied Carly who was not looking forward to the prospect of taking care of drunk Adam. And so Karen and Jason walked over to the drinks table to find something to quench their thirst. What they found looked more like the aftermath of a hurricane than it did like a table. Bottles were scattered every which way, most of which had no caps and were leaking all over. There were crumbs everywhere as if someone had taken an entire bag of chips and crumbled them and threw them everywhere rather than eating them. As Karen and Jason searched for something edible Tommy jumped out from under the table startling the both of them. “What the hell were you doing under there?!” asked Jason. “What do you think, I was running from those jocks, they’re gonna murder me!” exclaimed Tommy. “Well you better get running, it looks like they’re coming over here,” said Karen. “How in the hell do they keep finding me?! It’s like they can sniff me out from a mile away,” yelled Tommy as he scurried away.