UPDATED: The Greatest Article Ever

(Updated: 9/5/13) So a week ago I wrote this piece in response to a New York Times article about the VMA’s that I found particularly enjoyable. At the time I thought it was the greatest piece of journalistic good ever written. I was wrong.
Today during lunch I read an article about twerking and however funny the Miley Cyrus article was, this one is ten times funnier. Read it, because you never know when your parents are going to ask you about twerking. Until that day, you can read my original piece below, and stick around for more information on things that I find hilarious.

Original
Today I was enjoying a relaxing lunch in my study as I pondered such trivial matters as the gross implications of the positive derivation of changing levels of income disparity. Whilst deep in thought I took the chance to peruse through The Times, as I always do. I soon stumbled upon the story MTV Awards Show Prompts Familiar Complaint. Now ordinarily I wouldn’t concern my self with such fecal dribble, but ever since Daft Punk chose the MTV Awards over Colbert I’ve been looking forward to negative news about the MTV Awards. Upon opening the article what should I find? Hannah Montanna got in trouble again (among other things).

Dat face
Dat face

Personally I have never really liked Myle Cyrus, I find her obscene and annoying (case and point: dat face), but being the gentleman that I am, I was willing to put past resentments aside and give the poor woman a chance. It was all the typical fair, Parents whosy-whats-it is angry at MTV because blah blah blah, Miley Cyrus looks like a prostitute (and a cheap one at that) wholey uninteresting. The only mildly entertaining bit was the fact that Miley’s Dad Billy Ray is on the aforementioned Parent’s Television Council that was criticizing Miley Cyrus’s act, which is just wonderfully ironic. But then. Oh my goodness, I stumbled upon the greatest description of the MTV awards that I could ever imagine. Like if Michael Caine tried to give you the sex talk, but I won’t spoil it any further. The article read the following:

Anyone who can honestly use the term "coitus" without laughing deserves a pat on the back
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh silly New York Times! You can feel the journalistic integrity just oozing out of that statement. My props go out to James C. McKinley Jr. for giving the world the greatest description of “tweaking” the world has ever seen. On a side note I would like to apologize to everyone in Britain Dining Hall how may have been startled by my sudden and weird-sounding fit of laughter, I couldn’t help myself.

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