It’s official, as of a few days ago, I am now 18! Of course I spent my birthday like any other, running over pedestrians in an ice cream truck, while running away from the po-po (aka Playing Grand Theft Auto 4). No longer am I restricted to the confines of minority…er…minorism….er…minorness…whatever the word is, you know what I’m trying to say. Now I can buy games that are rated “M” for mature, I don’t have to buy a ticket for a different movie then sneak into The Hangover Part 3 (btw bad movie), I can just walk in!
While I’m on the subject of birthdays, I have a question to ask. What exactly is the protocol for responding to all those Facebook Birthday messages. Am I supposed to like them all, should I comment on each one saying thanks, do I make one big post that says thanks to everyone at once? Since I’m stupid, and indecisive, I did nothing, which makes me feel like a jerk, so why don’t I take the time now to say: Thank you to everyone so much for your birthday wishes, it means a lot!
Now that that awkwardness is out of the way, it’s time for something completely different. Legally speaking I just became an adult, but if we’re gonna be honest, I’m like an old, old man. Most of my music was written before I was born, I refer to kids as “young’ins”, and I have terrible hearing. By those three criteria, the only thing separating me from a 60 year old back-woods logger, is a flannel shirt, and a gigantic beard. The way I see it, I may as well lean in, like that lady everyone hates says. I’ll start by going full Gandalf. I got shaveless summer going already, you’ve heard of sexy stubble, well I’ve got disgusting stubble. I’ll stop wearing clothes, and just wear robs, then I’ll get a staff and a dope hat. I could get a wizardy type hat, but I feel like in this day and age, it’s just tacky, I think I’ll opt for one of them pope hats.