Introduction to Old Age

It’s official, as of a few days ago, I am now 18! Of course I spent my birthday like any other, running over pedestrians in an ice cream truck, while running away from the po-po (aka Playing Grand Theft Auto 4). No longer am I restricted to the confines of minority…er…minorism….er…minorness…whatever the word is, you know what I’m trying to say. Now I can buy games that are rated “M” for mature, I don’t have to buy a ticket for a different movie then sneak into The Hangover Part 3 (btw bad movie), I can just walk in!

While I’m on the subject of birthdays, I have a question to ask. What exactly is the protocol for responding to all those Facebook Birthday messages. Am I supposed to like them all, should I comment on each one saying thanks, do I make one big post that says thanks to everyone at once? Since I’m stupid, and indecisive, I did nothing, which makes me feel like a jerk, so why don’t I take the time now to say: Thank you to everyone  so much for your birthday wishes, it means a lot!

Yep definitely going for the pope hat
Yep definitely going for the pope hat

Now that that awkwardness is out of the way, it’s time for something completely different. Legally speaking I just became an adult, but if we’re gonna be honest, I’m like an old, old man. Most of my music was written before I was born, I refer to kids as “young’ins”, and I have terrible hearing. By those three criteria, the only thing separating me from a 60 year old back-woods logger, is a flannel shirt, and a gigantic beard. The way I see it, I may as well lean in, like that lady everyone hates says. I’ll start by going full Gandalf. I got shaveless summer going already, you’ve heard of sexy stubble, well I’ve got disgusting stubble. I’ll stop wearing clothes, and just wear robs, then I’ll get a staff and a dope hat. I could get a wizardy type hat, but I feel like in this day and age, it’s just tacky, I think I’ll opt for one of them pope hats.