Multiple Personality Disorder

I’ve noticed over the years that people act differently depending on the situation they’re in. Alright, so I realize this probably isn’t a very earth-shattering realization, but it’s kind of cool. I think it’s interesting to see people you know really well turn into completely different people in certain circumstances. I’m especially guilty of this, it’s like i’m three or four different people rolled into one, and depending on the scenario, one of them gets to be Gilmo for a little while. Now I’m not in AP Psych, nor have I ever taken a psychology course, but I’m pretty sure that’s what multiple personality disorder is, so I’m just going to run with it.

One of my personalities only comes out in social situations. He’s what I call Shy Gilmo. You know the type: sits in the back, doesn’t really talk much, mumbles everything, hates stickers. Just imagine your typical anti-social nerd, and that’s shy Gilmo. Now he’s really boring, so I’ve been slowly replacing him with who I like to call hipster Gilmo. I realize hipsters are annoying, but look at the tradeoffs. Con: can only like things ironically, pro: isn’t afraid to talk to people, expresses emotion other than woebegone, and listens to the Black Keys. I’d call that a worthy exchange. You may wonder how I’ve managed to do this. Well I’ve adopted a “screw it” mentality. Basically I figure if something goes wrong or is super awkward, whatever stuff happens. Though I’m not sure if apathetic hipster is the direction I want to go for, it’s only a stone’s throw from stoner, and I hate those people.

The next personality comes out when I’m with friends. I call him Funny Gilmo. In large part it’s his words that you’re reading, except far more tame. Funny Gilmo is the guy I try to bring out more, but hipster Gilmo always gets in the way (I realize this post is increasingly making me sound crazy). The problem is that Funny Gilmo really needs a safe environment to happily exist, because forniclaytion is only funny in certain circumstances, the rest of the time it’s just messed up (like right now!). I will say however, the best time to spot Funny Gilmo is in band class, because it gets boring and I need entertainment. If I had to pick I’d say that Funny Gilmo is the personality I relate the most with.

Of course there’s also a third personality for when I’m with family. Let’s just call him Teenage Gilmo. Pretty much what you’d expect. He’s lazy, eats lots of food, spends too much time in the basement, and hates stickers slightly less than Shy Gilmo. Teenage Gilmo really isn’t that interesting, you probably aren’t surprised to learn that when I’m with my parents I’m just like every other 17 year old boy, in that I hate it when they bring up the subject of prom (I’m working on it Mom!). Then there’s my siblings. Much like any other teenager I hate my brother and tolerate my sister. Haha just kidding not really, and by the way I’m totally not saying that because I know you read my blog hahaha! Ok they’re gone right? Good! They can be so annoying some times, just let a brother write in peace will you! I think they’re just jealous that I’m taller than them and superior to them in every way.

The last personality I’ll talk about is the one that only appears when I’m totally alone. Left to my own devices I become a person I call Kiddie Gilmo. When I’m by myself I revert to my childhood state. For example: when was the last time you played with your Legos or your Nerf guns? hm…or really? Because I did that today! The worst thing about Kiddie Gilmo is his compulsion to sing along with every song that comes on, especially when I’m driving. I’ll be stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic just jamming out to Taylor Swift (don’t you judge me! It’s just so dang catchy!). It’s especially bad when I forget to roll up the windows, and all the people on the sidewalk just shoot me the weirdest look.


One thought on “Multiple Personality Disorder

  1. We actually all just wanted to hear about romantic gilmo this other stuff is completely superfluous

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