I Knew You Were Trouble: Explained

I feel the need to specify. When I decided to explain Taylor Swift’s very popular song, “I Knew You Were Trouble” I was initially tempted to explained the even more popular remix, featuring Nicolas Cage.

But I dedicded that this post isn’t about Nick, no he requires much more than a single post to describe (don’t worry I’ll get to him in the near future). So instead I went with the original, though I suppose they should probably just rename this video, “Taylor Swift Tries to be Profound.”

I'm so confused
I’m so confused, thanks a lot Wikipedia

Aside from the song there are a number of interesting things going on in this video. First off, I did not realize changing a tire counted as sexual innuendo, maybe that’s what I’m missing. Second, that guy is an idiot, never disturb a game of billiards, that is a gentlemen’s game which should be treated with the utmost respect! Third, Taylor Swift is very flexible. Lastly, she must also be a very heavy sleeper, not many people can manage to fall asleep, not only in the middle of a dance party/rave thing, but to stay asleep while all those people leave, and they take down all that equipment is impressive.

Why is she staring at a light bulb? It's bad for her eyes!
Why is she staring at a light bulb? It’s bad for her eyes!

Also, why did no one bother to tell girl, “lying on the cold hard ground”(her words not mine) that it was time to leave. Now she’s stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no ride. I doubt she’ll be able to walk home, she might be able to follow the reverse of the directions she took to get there, but there’s no way she’ll be able to remember that. Even if she does manage to remember the way, everything looks different during the day, all her landmarks will be thrown off! This music video has a lot of plot holes…

I suppose I could talk about the song now. You could probably guess what this song is about…attempted murder! Now I realize Taylor usually opts for happier topics, like depressing break-ups, but look at that video, she’s definitely trying for something different, more edgy. Let’s start with some lyrics shall we? Swift states”I knew you were trouble when you walked in/So shame on me now/Flew me to places I’d never been/’Til you put me down, oh” This may seem normal, but remember, not only do you have to read between the lines, you also have to read inside the lines. The key phrase here is “‘Til you put me down, oh” Now tell me what does it usually mean to put something down. Yes, that’s right, Taylor Swift’s supposed boyfriend tried to euthanize her like a dying cat! Good job Taylor you slept with a murderer, congrat-u-freaking-lations! How do I know they slept together? Hm…”Flew me to places I’d never been” Oh I wonder what that means. Plus did you see the way he was swinging that tire around at the beginning, hot stuff.

Not satisfied yet ye of little faith, then let’s continue. This line is particularly interesting, “Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground” Aside from being repeated 20 billion times, this also has the markings of a killer trying to dispose of a body. Don’t believe me? Look at the video, like I’ve said before, she’s in the middle of nowhere, she’s lucky if she could find her way home. If I was a murderer, which to be clear I’m not, that would be a great place to dump a dead body. Plus it was the site of a rave, even if someone found the body, which wouldn’t be for days most likely, they would just assume it was some junky who overdosed. By the time they figured the whole thing out, I would be in Venezuela sipping martinis with some drug lords. Some of you will probably say, but Gilmo, she lays down at the end of the video, she was clearly just trying to hide, then she fell asleep. I’ve already been over how impractical that is. Those kinds of happenings are very loud, or so I’ve been told (no one invites me to their parties). She was clearly drugged. The guy probably tried to make her OD, then she felt too tired to stand, then went to sleep like a stoned idiot.