English

Every once and a while you run into that person. They exist everywhere and are totally unavoidable. That guy, that one guy who, for reasons unknown, just absolutely grinds your gears. For me this person is my AP English teacher. I don’t know why, but everything he says makes me angry. Anyone who is in English can attest to this. I will tell you that his english class is the only class that I have ever been kicked out of. Now don’t freak out, it wasn’t that bad, I just had to take my test in the english office, which was awesome because someone had made cookies (they were delicious).

Now things haven’t always been like this. Before him, I hated my French teacher, but then again french is an evil class so by the transitive property he was evil and therefore worthy of my judgment. The interesting part is that I am no longer in french. So as soon as the target of my french hatred went away my english hatred began. If I may again put on my AP Psych cap, it would seem as though I am merely utilizing these poor souls as “lightning rods” to focus all of my anger and discontent so as to change the blame for my anger in life. Then again I’ve never taken AP Psych, so I probably have no idea what I’m talking about. Oh, well.

Even if my BS theory is true, there is still some evidence to the contrary. While the man may be new to the school, I can’t think of a scenario in which it is acceptable, socially or otherwise, to write, and this is a direct quote, “ripples of nipples” on the paper of one of your female students. It may not have been directed at anyone, but that’s nothing less that straight up creepy! Who does that! Then a few days ago the prompt was to write a short essay to the effect of have you ever loved and lost and if so, could you ever love again. Upon asking if I could talk about a deceased relative or pet, he said it had to be a romantic relationship (I don’t think your grasping how much I loved fluffy). Now as much as I hate to use slang, that day was nothing less than awkward!

The more attentive among you may have noticed that I did not refer to this gentlemen (and I use the term loosely) by name. I do this to spare him any professional embarrassment. Now if you happen to be my english teacher and you recognize that I am talking about you, GET OFF MY BLOG HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND IT YOU CREEPY ASS MOFO! If you’re not my english teacher I apologize for yelling, thank you for reading.

UPDATE 1/30/13
Today he threatened the class with a hammer, a screwdriver and a pair of pliers, so there’s that…

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