Now we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well over the past few posts and as you may well know Valentine’s day is quickly approaching. As such the subject of love is approaching the top of everyone’s minds, however this is a subject in which I am not well versed. Now you may be thinking, “but Gilmo your an awesome guy, surely you must have a girlfriend,” , but unfortunately that’s where you’d be wrong (then again maybe you’re not). Since you seem to be unfamiliar with my circumstances, I shall fill you in on some missing information.
I’ve never been the most outgoing person , instead I’m what you’d call shy. I’ve got about as much game as this guy (though I’m decidedly less misogynistic). As a result, for the past 17 years, I’ve managed to avoid the entire subject of dating and relationships. But I couldn’t avoid it forever. When I did finally face the subject of dating, it all my emotions came out at once. Imagine all the drama of middle school shoved into the period of about six months and that’s been my life for the most part, but with less Coldplay and more Mumford and Son.
Now it hasn’t been that bad, just really distracting. You know there’s a problem when instead of falling asleep, your brain starts writing love poems. In fact, part of the reason I started this blog was to distract me from all the constant thoughts about girls, though I suppose this post doesn’t really help that…then again, maybe this is a sub-conscience cry for help. Now, I’m no psychologist, but that sounds like a pretty boss theory. Anyways what was I talking about? oh ya, girls!
If you’ll allow me to put my AP Psych cap on, I think the root of my problem is fear. As I’ve alluded to before, I missed out on all that drama in middle school and because of that I still have that fear. I’m not sure what it is that I’m afraid of, maybe its a fear of vulnerability, or a fear of embarrassment, but either way its still there. You wouldn’t believe how much effort it took for me to tell my friends the name of the girl I really like, it was downright traumatic and the sad part is it didn’t have to be. It was a group of my closest friends (and Brian) and for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to utter a few syllables. There was absolutely no reason to hesitate and yet I was speechless and anyone who was there will tell you it was not a pretty sight.
I’m not entirely sure why I bothered to tell you all this, but hopefully getting all this nonsense off my chest will help me move forward. I’m probably going to regret posting this tomorrow, but I think this helped. Well I’ll probably get back to the more light hearted stuff next time, but if you made it this far, thanks for listening to me ramble.